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Monday, March 28, 2011

Wisdom from Kenya

My friend, Dr. Nyaki Adeya-Weya, just posted this on her Facebook page,
"Our politicians should listen to the wise man who said 'why don't you put your brains to work and give your tongue a rest. Do not say anything before you are sure your word is worth more than your silence'".


The problem is universal the world over. People talk before they think; people act before they think.


MY Bible says, "Haste is never of God." I cling to that when I am tempted to speed up. I am almost always tempted to speed up. That is my perennial challenge: to wait for the best time, the best place, and the best way.


Of course, we could argue all day and night as to what the "BEST" is. For me, the best is that way that gives me peace and a deep sense that this is what I need to do. When my intuition and my sense of God wants is working, then I achieve it. When I'm out of sorts with myself and God, it is hard to achieve.


What do you think?
The Power of Wait:
1. It protects people who are trying to communicate from their own impetuosity, so wisdom can assert itself in its own time. “Haste is not of God.” (footnote proverb)
2. It gives time for other events and people and opportunities to rearrange themselves
3. It is calm.
4. It is powerful.
5. It helps remove the garbage, the clutter.
6. It winnows the unnecessary from the essential.
7. It helps you figure out what you want.
8. It helps you figure out what you feel.
9. It helps you figure out what other people want.
10. It helps you figure out what other people feel.
11. It is healthy – lowers blood pressure, and reduces stress.


Why do people have trouble waiting?


Some people can't zip it. They literally don't have the ability to. They might have ADD, be a compulsive talker, or believe the bumper sticker that says, “He who says the most words, wins.”. This person may know a lot and feel it criminal to withhold information. He/she might have a passion to share passionately. This person might have the strength of “Woo” ( footnote Strength Finders) and be gifted in talking, marketing, and sales. Talkers could talk all day and just stop for dinner and continue talking all night. A talker might be an extrovert, or woefully need attention, work as an auctioneer or find it's just plain too hard to shut up.


The power of other people exerts real pressure on us. If we think other people are waiting for us to say something, whether or not that is true, we will talk to fill the silence. Peer pressure is real. Imagined peer pressure is also real. Remove the “shoulds” from your life, about the way you think other people want you to interact and react in conversation and you may find a “real you” that you have never explored or rarely used. It certainly will prevent others from taking you for granted. They will have to stop and listen to you in new ways because they can't predict your words anymore. In management, that is extremely useful. It also forces others to think for themselves before they come to you to solve their problems.
Do you have the habit of worry? Some people do and that is a powerful force that keeps them talking and talking in an attempt to alleviate their anxieties. People who have the habit of worry are likely to hate this habit and so they do things to try to tamp it down. They may smoke, drink or indulge in other addictions in an attempt to self-medicate. It doesn't work. The root of why they worry will haunt them until they get to the bottom of it. This requires work, just like digging out the roots of an old tree. But unless you do get to the bottom of it, it will get in the way of mature thinking, behaving and speaking. Isn't that the goal of a manager who wants to excel, to be mature in thought, actions and speech?


Some people won't zip it; they lack the motivation to try. Egocentric, always right and incapable of delegating, they may be mean spirited, possessed, feel victimized, need to be good at something and talking is IT. Or it's just too hard to stop.


What is the benchmark as to how many words are enough? “Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same manner of discourse.” That's what George Washington said. (footnote) As Patricia Mathes, FAA manager, has said more than once, “If you give feedback well, you should only have to do it once.”


The 1970's musical, “Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!” highlights the central problem. The treadmill of the lives most of us lead is running fast. We may want to get off, but we don't know how. Until we learn how to drop out of the rat race and reduce stress in our lives, we find that waiting is hard to do. When we fill the “wait” with activities that we think will get us where we want to go, we may miss the blessing of just waiting to see what will unfold.


If you close your eyes and imagine that you are in a boat going down a river, you can almost feel the current of the water taking it in one direction. Imagine that feeling. You don't have to do much except sit tight and wait. Now imagine that you get tired of waiting and you take up a paddle that was laying at your feet and start to paddle down the river. You are striving and your trip is now different. The first way you allow events to unfold. The second way, you make something happen.


In communications there is a time and place for both actions, the waiting and the striving to make something happen. Which do you do most often? If you use the paddle more than the “wait”, you will miss a lot.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Facts vs. Assumptions

My 6 year old grandson is learning about the peril of faulty assumptions in first grade. The question was, "What do you know from this statement: The red jacket was splashed."


At first he answered that the jacket was wet. That's an assumption, so that is not what he "knows". It could have been splashed with paint, air, papper spray, insect repellent, skunk stink, etc. Who knows? From the statement at face value, no one.


What you know is that the jacket is red. That's it.


A powerful lesson in communication for a 6 year old. And I teach it to men and women who are managers and are 25-70+ years old.


What assumptions do you make every day in your work and your life that are wrong? How would you know? What are the consequences of making incorrect assumptions?


If you have any anecdotes or feedback, bring them on.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Morning Coversations in Florida

It's 7:30 in the morning and the porch door is open to let the warm breezes in and the noises of the birds in with them. I hear beautiful staccato chirps repeatedly. My husband is watching this morning show: birds and squirrels around the bird feeder.


I am at my computer, reading the book of Mark in the Bible and pondering the miracles Jesus performed. He was bold and true and healed people that no one could heal before his ministry. And people hated him.


Morning devotions in stereo and surround sound at my house, inside and out.


Then it occurs to me that the loud chirps might not be the birds, but my husband's whistles as he talks to the birds in appreciation for the show they display in the morning for him. (The rare painted buntings are the best. The cardinals second best because they are a bit of Virginia for us here in Florida.)


He is proud of his part in the conversation on the porch and tells me he is talking to the birds.


I am filled with feelings I can't describe, sharing this morning with my husband, the birds, the breeze and with God.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Words, Words, Words

If you like Shakespeare's play Hamlet as much as I do, you will recognize this quote, "Words, words, words, signifying nothing!" Hamlet is disgusted that no one will be real with him and admit that his uncle killed his father and married his mother, greedy for power.


How do you stack up in the "words" department? Do you talk on and on and say nothing, obscuring the real meaning in order to stall for time or avoid dealing with serious issues?


The search for words that matter has been my search of a lifetime. Words heal and words hurt. Words can be "white noise" or the most important utterances in the universe.


How do your words stack up? Give me some feedback and you may make it into my book, with attribution, of course.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Research Phase

No, I have not died. I haven't blogged in a few days because my husband and I are in Shelby, NC getting training on healthy lifestyle eating from Hallelujah Acres. With no time for writing, I still have time early in the morning for some Bible study.


What I found is a mother lode of information, in, of all books, Job!


Job 11: 1 and 2 talks about people who use a "multitude of words and babble". I guess there is nothing new under the sun because we still have such people who yammer and yammer and they are not even auctioneers for a living. No one liked them in Job's day, and his book may be the oldest written book in the Bible. And no one likes people who yammer today, either.


Another verse, that follows the last one, got my attention because it reminds me of something my father used to say. If I were to ask him for permission to go somewhere he didn't want me to go, he would laughingly say, "When hair grows on my palm, you can go."


We used to say we were going to keep track of all the times he said that and then paste some hair on his palm when he was napping. We never did, but it would have been fun.


The verse in Job says: "But a stupid man will get understanding when a wild donkey's colt is born a man! To me, this means a stupid man will never get understanding. (Like my father said, “When hair grows on my palm, a donkey’s colt will be born a man, not a colt!) If you get it, email me so I'll know someone appreciates my weird sense of humor.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Publicity That Counts

If you listened to last night's radio interview, thanks.


Lessons learned:


- Unless there is a real need, I won't interview after 9:00 PM. I'm a morning person. Had to take a nap and then try to stay up until "show time." Hard for me to do. I have always been a morning person and pulled only one all nighter in college! It was so gruesome and so unhelpful, that I said I'd never do it again, never!


- Publicity for it's own sake is not what I'm after. If I have a need for others to know what I'm doing, like to buy my book or invite me to teach or speak, then I'm OK with it. Otherwise, publicity for it's own sake is not me.


- Blog radio is a new way for others to reach the public. Anyone can have a radio show. It's a new world. Soon, kids will come home from school and go onto their radio show and just talk for an hour! It's probably already happening. Some genius kid will turn that into a multi-million/billion dollar enterprise. Let me know if you know about this happening now. I may be a prophet.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Silence: Friend or Foe

Last night my husband and I watched the movie "Into Great Silence".


Netflix describes it this way: "Director Philip Gröning's study of the Grande Chartreuse monastery introduces a world of austere beauty as it follows the daily activities of the resident monks, whose silence is broken only by prayer and song. With no sound save the natural rhythms of age-old routines, the documentary -- a Special Jury Prize winner at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival -- captures the simplicity and profundity of lives lived with absolute purpose and presence."


Almost 3 hours this movie had both of us fascinated.


I wondered and still wonder how long I would last, living a life unbroken by a sharing of ideas with others. The Carthusian monks in the film have written and published many books and perhaps that would suffice. I don't know.


My husband quipped that the lifestyle depicted was the ultimate "Zip It!"


I do know that I write, think and study better in silence. My husband likes music, smooth jazz, classical, pop, and easy listening. I like those also, but not when I am writing, thinking and studying. Hence, we have divided the house into zones. When I am writing, he respectfully, listens to his music in the bedroom/man cave/study or on the back porch.


How do you deal with silence? How much silence is enough for you? Please give me some feedback.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Fix Our Education System - No Wimps Need Apply

Two days ago I responded to a request for a radio interview on various subjects. This is the first one that has materialized. If you suffer from insomnia, tune into www.blogtalkradio.com tomorrow night at 11 PM. If you do, I'd love to hear back from you with some feedback.


As I prepare, if you have any data or perspectives that will help me, please send it to me.


Here is what I sent them.


Question 1: Based on the above, Conservative Or Liberal Wanted To Debate Education Reformers, what do you have to offer? Give me a brief pitch below.


Answer: Government (public) schools launch the brilliant kids, re-mediate students with challenges and leave the average to drift. Exceptional teachers are not the norm because of low pay and lack of other incentives. Schools need to teach critical thinking, reading, math and new technologies. Creative problem solving should be the bedrock of most courses so the students will discover why they need skills as they solve problems. The school day could be longer, vacations shorter and requirements clear. To reinvent the future our schools need to be real centers of learning. If the kids don't like to learn, the schools are doing something wrong!


Question 2: What is your experience with this topic?


Answer: With over 30 years experience as a college professor, communications consultant, 4 kids who went to public and private schools, I have seen misguided policies fail and fear and greed paralyze school systems.


Last Question: Anything else you`d like to add?


Answer: We need to have courage for a bold approach in education. No wimps need apply. We need to have parent reeducation so they buy in to the approach. Strip the administrations from the need to have power and to wield it, and you will
have an educational atmosphere where all will want to learn how to cope with new new challenges of a rapidly changing world. We also need to learn how to speak and how to listen. Check out my blog: www.jillkampmelton.blogspot.com

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Self-Assessment

Most people don't have a clue as to what they sound like. Why is this important? You may incur consequences you don't intend if you don't know how and why people react to you the way they do.


Here is a self-assessment that may help. If you want me to help you figure out the significance of your results, just contact me through this blog and I'll be glad to help.


Self-evaluation


A. Do people listen to me? When? Why? For how long?


B. How’s my voice: volume, variety, pitch, rate, resonance?


C. Does my body get in the way? Alignment” Image?


D. Do I have and use an open face? Eyes?


E. Is my breathing effective for the best voice use?


F. Do I have a hidden agenda? Does it show? Where do I put it?


G. Do I have fears that keep me from connecting with people?


H. What’s my energy level? Does it help or hurt me?


I. Am I comfortable with my persona? Do I have one?


J. What do I do with my problems when I am communicating?


K. How’s my focus and concentration when communicating?