From a reader, "Thanks for yout blog on whining...it was very timely. The whole family has been ill for nearly a week and there has been lots of whining. Me included! But your blog adjusted my perspective!
If you have not left me a comment, please do. These kinds of comments encourage us all.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Whining
Do you have friends, co-workers or employees who whine a lot?
Here are six perspectives to deal with the whining:
1. Whining can be positive. It dilutes the potential violence that could happen when people don't vent and then resort to passive aggressive silence. Whining, venting, and complaining are far better than exploding and violence. It's even better than weeping in the corner.
2. Whining can also be a barometer of morale in the workplace or at home. It gives you information about what people are feeling. If they are not getting enough positive attention, people may whine because they mistakenly feel that negative attention is better than no attention.
3. Some family and work cultures have a "habit of whining" built into them. The whiners don't think there is anything abnormal about their yak yak. They are just trying to fit in.
4. If any of this rings true for you, how about instigating a new habit, like "Mean Mondays". On Mondays anyone in your family, circle of friends or work unit can complain without penalty. Then it may be easier to institute "Positive Tuesdays." On Tuesdays the same people can only say what is good, uplifting, positive and encouraging. Customize the rest of the week as you need to.
5. Eventually, you can transition to asking this question on Mondays, "Is there something you want to talk about to change the way we: work, interact, relate to one another? What are those things? Let's talk about them.
6. Sometimes whiners will not give up their sport. They are too selfish, or jealous, or angry, or just symptoms of a serious flaw in the system of how you do business or relate. If that is true, you may need a third, neutral party, a facilitator who can help get to a deeper level and direct you to the solution.
Let me know how this works.
Here are six perspectives to deal with the whining:
1. Whining can be positive. It dilutes the potential violence that could happen when people don't vent and then resort to passive aggressive silence. Whining, venting, and complaining are far better than exploding and violence. It's even better than weeping in the corner.
2. Whining can also be a barometer of morale in the workplace or at home. It gives you information about what people are feeling. If they are not getting enough positive attention, people may whine because they mistakenly feel that negative attention is better than no attention.
3. Some family and work cultures have a "habit of whining" built into them. The whiners don't think there is anything abnormal about their yak yak. They are just trying to fit in.
4. If any of this rings true for you, how about instigating a new habit, like "Mean Mondays". On Mondays anyone in your family, circle of friends or work unit can complain without penalty. Then it may be easier to institute "Positive Tuesdays." On Tuesdays the same people can only say what is good, uplifting, positive and encouraging. Customize the rest of the week as you need to.
5. Eventually, you can transition to asking this question on Mondays, "Is there something you want to talk about to change the way we: work, interact, relate to one another? What are those things? Let's talk about them.
6. Sometimes whiners will not give up their sport. They are too selfish, or jealous, or angry, or just symptoms of a serious flaw in the system of how you do business or relate. If that is true, you may need a third, neutral party, a facilitator who can help get to a deeper level and direct you to the solution.
Let me know how this works.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
When "His" Words are the Best
Yesterday I had a chance to work on a commercial that was being shot in St. Augustine. I also had a chance to pray with several other actors on the set.
This is not because I am a great communicator. He is.
There are times when His words are the only words that come out of your mouth. That is such a thrill, to be used in that way.
I humbly say thank you to the Lord of my life who fills my mouth with His words for His purposes in His timing and in His way.
I humbly thanks Him for the response he receives from others when He works in this way.
As a mentor once told me, "Me, I am nothing. It is the Lord in me that is everything." Praise to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.
I'm sure in the heavenly language that we will learn one day, that there will be a word that is big enough for that concept, the bigness of God as God, man and spirit omnipresent and omniscient and onmi omni! Without that word I am powerless to convey the whole thing. Fortunately He doesn't need me to. He is!
This is not because I am a great communicator. He is.
There are times when His words are the only words that come out of your mouth. That is such a thrill, to be used in that way.
I humbly say thank you to the Lord of my life who fills my mouth with His words for His purposes in His timing and in His way.
I humbly thanks Him for the response he receives from others when He works in this way.
As a mentor once told me, "Me, I am nothing. It is the Lord in me that is everything." Praise to God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.
I'm sure in the heavenly language that we will learn one day, that there will be a word that is big enough for that concept, the bigness of God as God, man and spirit omnipresent and omniscient and onmi omni! Without that word I am powerless to convey the whole thing. Fortunately He doesn't need me to. He is!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
"They" Ask for Feedback and Ignore it
Are you a manager who asks for feedback and then do nothing with it?
Are you a manager who asks for feedback, who tries to use it to change your organization, fails and who does not explain why your changes have not been implemented?
Do you give the perception of unresponsiveness when you are trying to use feedback to make changes?
Do you see yourself in these scenarios?
Zip It! will give you understanding as to why you are stuck. Zip It will help you get unstuck. Go to: www.orderzipitnow.com
Are you a manager who asks for feedback, who tries to use it to change your organization, fails and who does not explain why your changes have not been implemented?
Do you give the perception of unresponsiveness when you are trying to use feedback to make changes?
Do you see yourself in these scenarios?
Zip It! will give you understanding as to why you are stuck. Zip It will help you get unstuck. Go to: www.orderzipitnow.com
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What Happened to "You're Welcome?"
Have you noticed that when you say, "Thank you," to someone, they often say, "No problem" instead of "You're welcome?" When did that conversational change occur?
I have a problem with that for a few reasons. First, When you say "thank you", you are giving someone a gift. When they don't acknowledge the gift, you feel someone kicked in the teeth. When someone says, "No problem", are they refusing the gift? Or is there some other explanation?
Second, what are they really saying? Are they saying that helping you was not a problem for them and that they were glad to have helped? That is a nice sentiment and I would like to hear that gladness. Or are they saying, "It was no big deal. You are not special and I would have done this for anyone?" If that's the case, they are being rude and when we don't acknowledge rudeness in someone, we are not holding them accountable. They will be rude again, and they think we are okay with it.
Or third, are they saying, " I did nothing special and I don't want to be recognized for having done anything special and you make me feel awkward by recognizing what I did?"
What makes someone closed to the "thank you" process?
I don't know the answer to these questions and I hope one of my blog readers does. Please give me feedback on this.
Thank you, in advance.
I have a problem with that for a few reasons. First, When you say "thank you", you are giving someone a gift. When they don't acknowledge the gift, you feel someone kicked in the teeth. When someone says, "No problem", are they refusing the gift? Or is there some other explanation?
Second, what are they really saying? Are they saying that helping you was not a problem for them and that they were glad to have helped? That is a nice sentiment and I would like to hear that gladness. Or are they saying, "It was no big deal. You are not special and I would have done this for anyone?" If that's the case, they are being rude and when we don't acknowledge rudeness in someone, we are not holding them accountable. They will be rude again, and they think we are okay with it.
Or third, are they saying, " I did nothing special and I don't want to be recognized for having done anything special and you make me feel awkward by recognizing what I did?"
What makes someone closed to the "thank you" process?
I don't know the answer to these questions and I hope one of my blog readers does. Please give me feedback on this.
Thank you, in advance.
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