Why Should Anyone Change the Way They Speak and the Way They Listen?

Duh! This morning I had a profound revelation and jumped out of bed to share the "surge" with 4 blogs and hopefully you.


It's not about us. It's about the rest of the world.


What would change if I spoke and listened better? Would conflicts be resolved? Would people be more tolerant? Would people be able to love more and hate less?


I am sure that if I change the way I communicate, the ripple affect would be so much greater than I could ever intend. So here is the new re-tooled slogan:

"Transform speaking and listening one conversation at a time and ehlp others do it too."

It's not about me or you; it's about the effect of what we do and how it helps others.

Reckless Language

"We will always recognize an artist's freedom to express him or herself, but not when reckless things are said no matter what the context."


This is a quote from Tina Fey about a comic's use of bad language, hate language, on a recent show. The comic also used "violent imagery" which was disturbing to the TV station not to mention the viewers.


No one gets a free pass on the use of reckless language and violent imagery that could incite others to violent thoughts and actions. There should be a zero tolerance for this and I am glad it is being addressed.


Here's the puzzlement. If you know that a liberal said these things, the above quoted things, and you are a conservative, does that make them less true? No.


Language rules, civility rules, the way to behave knows no boundaries. In fact, agreement on these things could bring people together who think they have nothing in common.


We need to examine our own use of language. If the reckless and violent creeps in, how can we develop sensors to detect the "creep" and stop it before it takes hold?


First, when you have strong feelings about anything, pause before speaking. Pause a long time, maybe even a day.


Second, when you have strong feelings about something, examine your feelings. If you are angry, remember that anger is a secondary emotion. You feel angry because you may feel anxious, scared, vulnerable or threatened in some way. Work to identify those primary feeling first before speaking. Get help identifying those feelings, if necessary. A good place to start is: www.marianneclyde.com


Marianne has lots of help for identifying strong feelings. Click around the website, look into the archives, breathing all the while, and see if you don't feel the primary urges to be reckless and violent fade and more rational possibilities occur to you.


Third, when you think you are ready to speak, and if you MUST speak, speak carefully, slowly and sensitively, pausing, weighing your words and the thoughts beneath your words carefully.


"The power of life and death is in the tongue." Speak to heal and to help and to love.

Curiosity is the Key

If I were to conduct market research as to what one factor makes a good communicator, I would not get this answer. Most people say, "Good listening skills, the ability to speak clearly and being en expert on your subject.


For me if a communicator is not curious about what someone else is saying, the full measure of the words, meanings, feelings, and implications, the attempt to really be heard will fail.


Why aren't we more curious in this process? Is it because we are stressed, have no time, or just don't like someone else?


I think it is because no one does it to us. No one seems to care about what we say and we "are not the sparkle in someone else's eye."


That's where it helps to be spiritual and know deeper than deep that God cares and that you are the sparkle in His eye. Guaranteed!


If you have ever experienced feeling and knowing that, then it might be easier to be curious about someone else.


When we stop being curious, we are dead. We may be the walking dead, but we are dead.


I want to be alive, fully alive. Curiosity is the key.

Progress

Well, the lead I had on a publisher in the UK is not a lead anymore.


So here I go, on a search for a publisher, a literary agent, or both. I will overturn rocks and be persistent, even like a drip of water on a stone step. And while I'm searching, I'm sure the Lord will give me an opportunity that I have not imagined. Can't wait!


In the meantime, I have two books. Zip IT! morphed into Zip It!: A Guide to Effective Communication and Zip It! God's Way. The first is for managers and employees and the second is for parents and anyone who is a friend to anyone else:)


So I've covered the planet and I can't wait to get the word into others.


Please network this for me if you can. Forward your ideas and pray for opportunities.


The book will lead to workshops, motivational speeches, and lots of life coaching.

Biblical and Secular: "Zip It!" is Growing!

I have received feedback that there may be a quicker market for a Biblical version of Zip It! than the secular version. the operative word here is " may".


Not one to miss an opportunity, I have been working for 4 weeks on a rewrite of what I have already written to see if that " may" can turn into a definite "is."


How much fun! I sit like a real Geek with 4 versions of the Bible at my feet, several notebooks in which I have been recording thoughts for years, researching, compiling, sorting, selecting and retyping. I love it.


I am finally being able to use so much of what I have thought about and written about, for years and years.


If you care and if you dare, please pray for my process and for an open door. Thanks. Humbly I thank you.

Saying "You're Welcome"

Feedback from a reader:


I've been enjoying your blog. I'm working hard on remembering to say, "You're welcome."

Comment on Whining

From a reader, "Thanks for yout blog on whining...it was very timely. The whole family has been ill for nearly a week and there has been lots of whining. Me included! But your blog adjusted my perspective!


If you have not left me a comment, please do. These kinds of comments encourage us all.