Whining

Do you have friends, co-workers or employees who whine a lot?


Here are six perspectives to deal with the whining:


1. Whining can be positive. It dilutes the potential violence that could happen when people don't vent and then resort to passive aggressive silence. Whining, venting, and complaining are far better than exploding and violence. It's even better than weeping in the corner.


2. Whining can also be a barometer of morale in the workplace or at home. It gives you information about what people are feeling. If they are not getting enough positive attention, people may whine because they mistakenly feel that negative attention is better than no attention.


3. Some family and work cultures have a "habit of whining" built into them. The whiners don't think there is anything abnormal about their yak yak. They are just trying to fit in.


4. If any of this rings true for you, how about instigating a new habit, like "Mean Mondays". On Mondays anyone in your family, circle of friends or work unit can complain without penalty. Then it may be easier to institute "Positive Tuesdays." On Tuesdays the same people can only say what is good, uplifting, positive and encouraging. Customize the rest of the week as you need to.


5. Eventually, you can transition to asking this question on Mondays, "Is there something you want to talk about to change the way we: work, interact, relate to one another? What are those things? Let's talk about them.


6. Sometimes whiners will not give up their sport. They are too selfish, or jealous, or angry, or just symptoms of a serious flaw in the system of how you do business or relate. If that is true, you may need a third, neutral party, a facilitator who can help get to a deeper level and direct you to the solution.


Let me know how this works.